Family Meeting
 Family Meeting 

Readying Your iWitness Accounts, Reservations + Bottom Lines 

Youʼve drawn together a group of people close to your loved one: spouse, parents, grandparents, siblings, children, relatives, friends, and maybe the boss, the job or coworkers and so now, itʼs time for action. 
Whatever the situation is, youʼre not going it alone. Remember this: THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS. Youʼve surrounded yourself with others. All of you are upholding, sustaining, and strengthening one another. Everything will go well because your efforts are grounded in deep, genuine love. 

THE SETTING 
Youʼll want to hold the family meeting in familiar surroundings, usually someoneʼs home, where everyone will feel comfortable. Have food present, and drinks - though no alcohol. 
As important is where each person sits. The seating arrangement makes a huge difference in the tone and atmosphere and your Primary Interventionist will guide you in this positioning. 
Everyone else should be within armʼs length of your loved one, ready to connect with love and hugs. This arrangement creates a sense of bonding and belonging. 

YOUR CHANGE MESSAGE 
The iTeam prepares their Change Message. It recounts how the personʼs behavior has affected you and is expressed at the family meeting. It clearly delineates behaviors you will no longer tolerate and conveys how much you care. 
Itʼs about presenting reality to someone in a way they can receive it. 

The Change Message does not say .... Youʼre a crummy person ... youʼre a jerk ... that type of recrimination only lowers everyoneʼs emotional temperature and thwarts change. The change message expresses love, but demands immediate change. 

Crafting the Change Message is a key part of the personal renovation that is about to take place. And like all renovations, it requires the use of delicate tools; bringing in the bulldozers may wreck the whole contraption. 

The tools youʼll use to ready your Change Message are the iWitness Account (What have you seen?), the Flash-Forward (What are your fears?), and the Resolution (What is your hope?). We donʼt use formal letters during this Family Meeting. We speak eye to eye, heart to heart. Few things are better than an iWitness Account at the scene. It adds veracity to what has occurred. 

So ask, and answer, the question: What have you seen? (Give details!) Your answer forms the “iWitness Account.” 
With these tools, youʼll calmly paint a picture. In other words, youʼll verbally offer a visual scene of how you want someone to change. When you learn to speak in “pictures,” youʼll get the results youʼre hoping for. Youʼll persuade someone to get help before he or she completely crumbles. 

The Change Message will also identify what your ILOʼs Primary Reservations are likely to be, and what your Bottom Line is. Whatever you do, donʼt call your loved out for his stupid antics or blame him for being crazy and irresponsible – itʼll just make him defensive. 

Put the onus on you and say something like “It freaked me out when you ...,” or, “I felt afraid for our family because ...” “I havenʼt seen you for a long time, but your sister has been confiding in me ....” This will clue him in to the fact that his actions are affecting others. Often, the eyewitness account alone is enough to turn the tide. 

THE MEETING 
Participate in a climate of love, acceptance, caring, safety, and mutual respect. 
Do what you normally do when you get together as a family or group. Some families eat pizza together; some gather in the den; and others like to sit around the kitchen table. Gather where you graze. In other words, whatever your social dynamic is, do it. 

Turn off all cell phones, pagers, or beepers (unless thereʼs a doctor on call in the meeting). 
No tissues allowed! Let the tears and emotions flow. 
Donʼt argue, yell, or otherwise raise your voice.
Don't preach, belittle, or badmouth.
Donʼt use the family meeting as a forum for hostile attacks or recrimination. 
Keep the tone honest but loving and dignified.
Show patience and respect for all members in the circle of change. Conduct the meeting with calmness and love. 
Keep connected to your loved one. If he or she wants to go outside, have a smoke, or get some fresh air, someone should accompany them. (Only exception is a trip to the bathroom.) 

Let us guide you and listen. We have helped thousands of people through intervention, and we have the ability to be emotionally disconnected to the ebb and flow, the hot and cold in the moment. 


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